After all of this, I can tell you something – I do not suffer from FOMO. Nope. Not one tiny bit.
I happily skip birthdays, weddings and baby showers – especially baby showers. It’s not that I no longer experience joy or excitement for people, I do. I am genuinely happy for them. Lord knows, after the loss of my mum, I believe that every birthday should be celebrated, age is blessing denied to many. And I know and appreciate just how precious and exciting the prospect of welcoming a baby is. It all should be celebrated but for now, its just not my thing.
Please don’t think I’m jealous or bitter either. I’m not. Its just that I’ve learnt to live life at a different pace now which includes learning that I absolutely do not need to put myself is situations that might be uncomfortable or where there are triggers for me.
Grief is difficult to navigate, especially when you’re in those very early, dark stages. Some days I have enough energy to power a steam train, other days, I’ve high-fived myself for simply getting out of bed or washing my hair.
Celebrations and events can be fraught with danger when you’ve suffered loss or infertility.
Am I going to run into or meet someone who doesn’t know us or about out fertility struggles and sit through the awkward questioning of how many we have children we have or when we’re going to start a family? Apparently, it’s not nice nor appropriate to respond with… ‘Well, we’ve been trying but they keep dying on us.’
Am I going to run into someone who knew my parents and sit through the inevitable questioning about my Dad and if he has moved on and found someone? Because if not, they know someone nice to set him up with. They ALWAYS know someone. Why isn’t enough for people that she was and still is the love of his life.
I once had a family member rub my tummy and ask me what I was hiding under my flowy dress in front of the entire family, in a really confined space. It was awkward. Just a burrito, it’s always just a burrito.
So, I don’t suffer FOMO. I’ve learnt to accept my limitations for now. I’ve learnt to embrace how I feel at certain times of the year, around loss anniversaries and certain holidays. I’ve learnt to say no and that its ok to put distance between myself and my triggers. I’ve learnt its ok to upset people sometimes.
I’ve learnt that sometimes, its completely ok to miss out, if it means you’re putting your wellbeing first.